83--More on Tom Harpur's books--Written while I couldn't log in

Yesterday my last paragraph was about Christianity—and actually, Judaism, as well—being a mere copy of Egyptian theology. At that moment I had a thought: I thought of Moses and his coming out of Egypt and Jesus, who also went down and came up out of Egypt!

And as I write that, I am reminded of a teaching when I took a Torah class. Egypt/ Mitzraim, which means ‘narrow place’ (something allegorically spoken of in the New Testament) is considered a spiritual journey we all are to take. We must first ‘go down’ in order to properly ‘come up’.

So, what if that is what these stories we have considered historical really are about? It is how they are sometimes taught anyway, at least in Judaism when I learned there. Shoot, there’s even a song, which I don’t believe is even a Jewish song, that goes, “Go down, Moses…” *smile* Yeah, isn’t that “Let My People Go”, which is an old (I hope it’s still appropriate to call it this) “Negro spiritual”?

Anyway, I will keep you posted on my joyous journey through this book. Perhaps I will even share part of the road that led me here.

Why not?

Years ago, when I was a leader, teacher, intercessor, choir member, part of the dramatic team, even one who spoke what was considered ‘prophetically’ or the ‘words of wisdom’ in church, I was also (and most importantly) a Seeker. I wasn’t content to just hear what I was told. I wanted to know—to know deeper truths. I had quite a few really cool revelations, and many I was allowed or free to share. Being a woman, though, sometimes, I was a threat to the hierarchy. I was told once I was attempting to ‘build my own high places’ when I sang solos. Great. Thanks. Yet, when I didn’t get to sing the last song I wanted to share in that church before ‘moving on’, the women in that church seemed to desperately cling to me, asking me what I knew that song could’ve addressed to all of them at once—because I know darn good and well it isn’t my singing or my voice that has any power—it was the anointing I had when I was brave enough to step out. The choir director even said to me once he was always surprised I did so well when I performed during a choir presentation, because, to be honest, I wasn’t that great at practice. And no, this pastor didn’t say it quite that cruelly.

So let’s see, where was I? I don’t think I necessarily questioned authority in those days. It was more just my own search for my own faith. But as time went on and I had to leave that church because I just couldn’t take it anymore, I began to see my own relationship with what I perceived as ‘God’ as a very personal and exquisite thing. And those who longed for more were few and far between.

I ended up being asked to lead women I had known from different places in Bible studies. I had the best experiences with them, too! But over and over I began to see that though, at least in these instances where I was asked to lead—therefore these women wanted to learn something, wanted, perhaps, what they saw in me—I also saw that at a certain point, many (not all) of them were still needing to be led, still unconsciously must have believed themselves to ‘be like sheep’.

I remember explicitly going to lunch with a couple of women I loved from a then defunct study we had been doing for several years as our children grew up. I had, by then, begun ‘worshipping’ in a more Hebraic type of congregation and was learning and enjoying myself beyond belief. This, in fact, was when I was reading those disjointed, angry books i mentioned yesterday. Anyway, these women sat and listened as I shared all the cool stuff I was learning and the wonderful things that were going on in my spiritual life. I then asked them what they had been learning that excited them. They looked at me for a moment, and then one of them said, “I bought a new CD at [a local Christian book store] yesterday.” I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. It was just so … Yeah.

And that is when I think it finally hit me so I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I’m not like my friends. I’m not satisfied with the status quo or only chewing on what someone else gives me to chew on. As a matter of fact, I had told these same two women before how I felt there wasn’t even anything to chew on anymore. Not even watered down Pablum. But they were content. So that’s fine. I just couldn’t believe it took me that long to realize that in every instance I had been the one to share my insights, my excitement, and they didn’t even understand what it meant to go and do the same. Ah well. I still love them. *smile* It does limit our ability to really fellowship, though, doesn’t it? Even more so, now that I am further down this path and it has taken a turn they in no way even desire to follow. Ah well, again. *sigh*

But—and this is a huge ‘but’ (no pun intended)—I did not stay in the places that did not encourage or ‘feed’ me in all aspects of my search. What was funny—sad funny—is that each successive church had one thing going for them, but lacked another important aspect. This is when I came up with this ‘equation’:

Love without Truth is not Love. It is License; it Condones.
Truth without Love is not Truth. It is Legalism; it Condemns.
Love and Truth together are Light. We must walk in Light, as children of the Light. In so doing, are Contagious! (I just made that last part up!) *smile*

(As I look at it now, it IS an equation. Love minus Truth does not equal Love. How can it? It is missing what we have ‘subtracted’/extracted! Same with Truth. Wow.) Well, this seems to have gone on and on and though we are a bit closer to the end of the journey that brought me ‘here’, I should probably actually go DO something.


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