I haven’t been able to log on to the blog site for a couple days. Did you miss me? *wink*
Okay, so where was I? I had spent ½ as much time in my second church as my first, and my 3rd as the 2nd, and my 4th as my 3rd. I am getting more than a little disillusioned, don’t you think? I am part of the worship team in my last church. I lead a Bible study. I am involved with the youth. And I can’t take the repeats (sermons) and the politics and the same ol’ same ol’ one more day.
A new friend and I leave church every Sunday morning and go to another church, in some vain hope of finding ‘the place’ where we can hear truth, can find something real and lasting and maybe even new. I guess. I don’t even know right now what it was exactly we were looking for. We’d come close and then something would be all weird there, too, and we’d march off to somewhere else. Actually, there weren’t that many “somewhere else’s”. I only remember one now. Perhaps because we stayed there the longest and they had similar gifts to what she and I had…but it got judgmental about things and maybe too ‘woo woo’ and out there.
Then one day she called me to tell me she had met someone who did a study on Saturdays and we should go. So that Saturday yours truly showed up and she didn’t. I don’t recall why. And that meant I had to be brave and walk in all by myself. I thought I had walked in to a Jewish fellowship and sat in the back and was all blessed by the Jewish music and the teaching. I was ready to get up and leave and see if I could find the group I thought I was looking for. Turns out, this was them. *grin*
And they went downstairs and someone said some odd things to me and I thought I was in the weirdest place. But then, after eating a little oneg (potluck) the group gathered and had a discussion—for several hours! I was in heaven!
When I had left my first church I had ‘heard’ or ‘seen’ a vision of what church could (should?) look like and this was it! People sitting in a circle with their Bibles open and everyone had a voice, not just the guy at the podium. In fact, there was no podium. The leader sat in the same circle. It was great!
Granted, I had a million questions and when I returned the next week there were a few people who thought surely I was the type who would not have come back. But I was there, questions at the ready. And though it seemed the leader had tried to dissuade me the first week, the more I sat there, the more comfortable and happy I became and it was great.
And then 3 years later, in a reverse of the ½ times of church (meaning, I spent twice as long here as the last church), something happened between the leader and someone in the community and things fell apart.
I was devastated. The place where we all had a voice and danced and fellowshipped was gone.
I looked at my then best friend (the person who had said the weirdest thing to me that first week) and I said, “I guess it’s time to go to the Jews.” So we headed to Boulder.
To make a long story short, that was mind-blowing and wondrous and my eyes were opened to things I had questioned for so long but ignored…not just the questions I had after reading church history (oh man, that stuff is horrendous!) or learning a lot of what I had taken as truth was mistranslated, but stuff about covenant and blood that didn’t jibe when I read the Old Testament along with the New.
And then some of my teachers began sharing things so outside the box my mind was blown! Tarot and astrology and reincarnation and so much of what I had believed or at least been exposed to through my mother and I had to start finding more new places to put all that information and that just threw my old thinking into a dung heap and there were days I wasn’t sure what the heck I believed or wanted to believe anymore.
But things settled and here I am. And that is what the book I mentioned a couple days ago brought up. That I won’t maybe have to feel like I wasted my life in what I used to believe. That maybe there is a way to reconcile it, that maybe even some of the ways I saw it already are conceivable and acceptable in what I believe now.
I have seen a few things myself, but honestly, after having memorized entire books of the Bible, I haven’t really cracked it in years. Years! And the Bible I owned and used the most until those last few years was what I had asked for on my 15th birthday. (The last few years I had Hebrew Torahs) It had markings in it from an entire life. And though I didn’t discard it physically, I discarded it mentally and only once in a while did I think back and say to myself, “Hmm. Maybe that’s what Jesus/Yeshua meant when he said thus and so…”
So now you are up-to-date on my spiritual journey. I stumbled upon Global Psychics…I honestly don’t even know how I first received a newsletter from Danielle. I wrote a couple of times, wrote her a name poem and she asked me to be part of this amazing community. The rest is history. In the making. *wink*
Teresa (Maybe tomorrow I’ll have more to say on the book. If I get off here and get a chance to read, that is!) *smile*
It's 11:11 here ;o)