What does one do when one is just too tired to blog but they've made a commitment?

I don't know if it's the hour walk and then walking through the mall trying to find dress wool socks for winter later in the afternooon or what. It could just be mental exhaustion, for all I know.

After all, I have a thousand things running through my head and I don't know which one is worth grabbing and making something of. And on the other hand, I don't feel like I'm thinking about anything worthwhile anymore. I used to think of things to write in my novels. And since I lost the end of the last one I haven't had any heart to refinish it or think of anything in relation to the prequel either.

Ah well.

So, in that book I'm reading, I am trying to get my head around the idea of Chritianity not being the perfect fulfillment of all those other religions' "myths"; that they weren't precursors of the 'real' truth.

I find all the information fascinating, but it's weird to realize that even though in some way I have 'forsaken' the beliefs I used to have, they must still have some hold on my thinking.

And what I do like is the thought--the hope--that this will open my eyes to the universality of belief and being called by the name so many here in America call themselves as regards belief will take on a new meaning I will be able to embrace. I realize in some way it may be 'phony' to use that label--and perhaps even a bit deceptive when speaking to people I used to 'run with' who have a different idea of the meaning of that label--but the author seems to still call himself that and calls all those who believe in these myths by that name, so at least at that level, and understanding the original Greek meaning of the root of that label, I can at least smile when someone asks or someone else tells me that is what they are. I will know a secret, but at least I won't be keeping the changes I have made a secret anymore. I will understand something more deeply and have just as much--if not more--claim to the title.

I don't know. Maybe it is still deceptive. Maybe I am still not being completely truthful with old friends because...as is said in the movies, they "can't handle the truth." *smile* But maybe, too, as I said earlier about still wondering how true this all is, the battle I am struggling with in regard to the validity of the argument--maybe I have only been lying to myself.

Time will tell.


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