It took me some time to realize why I am here. I was a child born into philosophy. Being raised by those who had heritages and religions that on the mainstream thought processes had become dead or untouchable. My parents and grand parents taught me diligently every day of my life the old ways. I was really the only grandchild that sat at the feet of my grand parents taking in every word that they spoke to me. Honoring everything that they ever said or did. No matter how mundane the appearance I was born with a since of pride that no person could ever squelch out of me.

I remember a point in my life when I was accused of lying about something by a vagrant that my family had taken in to give food and shelter. I was very young. I remember, back then corporal punishment for children was acceptable. So I was beaten soundly until I would admit that I was lying. I would not admit it because I did not do what I was being accused of and I had this pride that no matter what I would not give in until people realized I was not lying. Most people my age call it stubborness. Most people my age call it rebellion. But for me, it was pivotal in my inner working that I did not give in no matter what happened. I was willing to stand up and tell the truth no matter what the consequences could be. I am still very much like that. And even though at that time my family called me a rebellion and someone who was aimed at lying no matter what the cost, I still stood proud and strong. To this day, I still stand proud and strong at the great heritage I was taught. But most importantly, I realized that not one single group or people could have the one and only truth. So I branched off, learning truth from many different cultures and heritages. I imaged myself like a fox going into the gardens of philisophical truth and heritage gleaning and gathering. Uplifting every single one of those people and ideas in a glorious celebration of the "all life experience".

I was trying to have relationships outside of the main philosophies that were expounded upon in my own life of my family. The journey has been exhilerating. My father, who was extremely harsh on education taught me a great wisdom. I would tell him an idea that I discovered in my research and he would ask me, "How many books have you read on this subject?" I would answer him, "I have just read this one." He said, "Well, I have read 10 books on this subject. When you have read 10, then come back and talk to me." So then I would take the challenge and read 10. Then he would say, "In the time it took you to read 10, I read 50. Come back and discuss this with me when you have read 50." We never discussed anything because it was a challenge to learn and read more at every single presentation. Even though it hurt my heart that a discussion could never happen I finally gave up on discussing with him. I just continued the process on my own. Just recently he laughed and said, "Pretty soon we are going to see a laboratory in your living room." It taught me that people were not interested in discussing the ideas. That was the pivotal challenge that got me through college. Make sure the discussions are what the professors want to discuss and research and expound what I wanted to discuss in my own notes to self. A perpetual self discussion in which I have been able to establish a great relationship to myself.

Well, it was just recently as I had finished enough credits in my education to receive my doctorate that I found that all of this searching and researching was still not good enough. I was unable to connect to the people around me that I was desiring to connect to and find unified relationships. So I realized, that the only way for me to really connect was to continue in the gifts of healing that my grandmother had taught me. When people feel the healing in their life that I am able to give to them, it is awesome without words. So that is what I am here to do. My connection to these people are healing energies even if they never really get a chance to know me or even regard my presence. At first it was upsetting when I realized it. Just like with my dad when we could really never have that connection. I was always sent away to read more. In this case, I will always be sent away to find more resource for healing.

People just want to be healed but they don't really want to have a relationship with the healer. They can't have the relationship until they feel secure with the relationship with their own selves. They have been socialized to go into an office to get a prescription. The most they want is a Christmas card because they would not know what to do with a doctor that was a friend as well as a healer. But, I got through the realization. They get taught to be afraid of the knowledge of the antiquities that our ancestors revealed through the ages. So now, as I herald my way to my own transition, I go into the gardens of the knowledge of other people as a white peace dove. Ready to give my all even though I know in reality I am shut out from their reality. I had to wait for the sign and I received it. I am now ready to give people that sense of well being and personal strength with no expectations for connections in relationships. I think that is the hardest part of being a woman. And I think I finally grew to accept that I can't stop my purpose just because people are afraid of learning the antiquities of our ancestors. Neither can I stop connecting, especially if the connection will make a difference for that person. So that is my purpose, to use this knowledge to help others and be satisfied with the empty spaces that continue to get created in our culture.  

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