Suddenly it’s over… whether you have been together for years or for months, there is an emptiness in you, a hole in your heart… you dread the thought of starting over, yet you ache for love – or lack of… If you have children, life has suddenly become a lot more complicated, you have new roles to play, and you may not know how…

My friend J. recently ended a 25 year marriage with a good man, but unfortunately, alcohol was now getting the best of him… after years of negotiating around this issue, she felt forced to move on, felt she had to set an example for their 4 children.. But her husband had been a good father, and he took good care of their home… J. has a very demanding job, and husband is a realtor, so he could be home to make the family dinner most nights, in fact he did most of the cooking while J. managed the baking… it struck me that one of the biggest changes she would now face would be having to be the main cook and bottle washer after all of these years…

Once you get past the shock of being alone again, you discover a myriad of little changes, small adjustments in behaviour that are reguired of you. If you’ve been living together, you’re suddenly responsible for paying your own bills, cooking your own meals, cleaning up after yourself, deciding what to do on Friday night, choosing the best outfit for the occasion, even deciding what to watch on TV. Even if you haven’t been living together, you still have to get yourself to that party, to choose what movie to see, or what restaurant to check out, when and with whom…

So how do you start recovering? In our practicie as psychics, we see somany clients who are so crushed at the ending of a relationship that they just cant see where to go from there… their focus is on the past, how can they put Humpty Dumpty back together again? While some broken relationships can heal, couples can regroup and come back together for happier times, in most cases, it’s over… and your job now is to accept it and move on.

How to start moving on:

  • Rebuild Your Social Life: One of the first things to do is to reconnect with friends, get some sympathy, start rebuilding your ego through your relationships with family and friends, and in this way start opening up to some new activities. Decide to get out once a week, to a movie, to the local coffee shop, tour the mall, or some historical site or museum in your area, visit a friend or family member, take a walk on the beach. Make a commitment to do something nice for yourself at least once a week
  • Take Control: If you’ve been living with someone for awhile, you really need to get organized when your partner walks out the door…, make lists – if your partner took care of the bills, make a budget and list your expenses, get expert advice if you are concerned, review any contracts, leases or joint accounts, talk with your banker Confront – and thus put away – your fears by embracing the job of taking control of your finances and physical well-being – you may be surprised at how well you manage
  • Get Into Your Community: One of the fastest ways of healing a broken heart is to help others to heal theirs. There are many wasy to get involved with yoru community through some service work, volunteering at hospitals or charitable events, supporting community improvement projects, getting involved in supporting disadvantaged families with music, dram and creative programs, or tutoring and after-school programs… One of the things that happens when we end a relationship is that we get depressed… and in our depression we get a little self-absorbed, lost in our pain, down on ourselves and our worlds. Getting into some service work, even for only a few hours a month helps us to feel better – and also connects us with new people and new opportuntiies for friendship, social activities, and yes, even romance.
  • Get Creative, Take an Adventure in Learning … look for some creative project to throw yourself into, or for some new skill or knowledge that you want to acquire… take up dancing, learn an instrument, a new language or a new crafit… join a club for folks who share your interests. Running our creative juices uplifts the spirit, and when we are joyful and relaxed, it becomes easy to attract loving relationships to us.
  • Take a Look at How You Look – update your appearance, shape up the body, join a gym, get fit… This is a terrifific time to get a new hairdo and to add a little extra style to your wardrobe. Not only does this make you feel better about yourself, lifts some of the depression from within you, it also serves a constant reminder that you are opening a new – and happier – chapter in your life.

Moving on is about refocusing from the past, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal, and shiftng that focus now to the future, where you’re going now, and how you can reclaim your right to feel joyful and fulfilled. It may not be esy, but if you take it a step at a time, a day at a time, you will find the pain and the past fading, and a new peace, a gentle happiness beginning to invade your life… and with this, you may also find that a wonderful new relationship will open up… Being on your own again can give you a new lease on life, if you will let it… just let go and move on….

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Comment by Crystal Austin on February 18, 2010 at 7:26am
Excellent advice Danielle! My ex-husband left me 4 years ago with 2 small children ages 5y and 9months. While it was the best thing for our family that he did leave, it was a very difficult time. However, I did find that focusing on my "lot in life" only dragged me down into despair. But, if I focused on my children, taking them out for special day trips just for them, or leaving them at Grammy's house to have time to socialize with my coworkers, that I would forget about the pain I was going through. Instead of struggling with hateful thoughts toward my ex, I was able to instead focus on the beautiful transformation taking place. And while it's much easier to look back on it, when you're going through it, it doesn't ever seem to end. So tell your friend to rely on others as much as she can, (this was my most difficult obstacle), and when she feels like she can't go on, or tries to tell herself she may have made a mistake, to just look back on the recent past, and see the strength it took to make the hardest choice any of us can make, and she made it in unconditional love, for herself, for her children, and for her husband. The strength is there, call on it when you need it, and all your friends are there when feel you cannot find it.

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