This is becoming SO incredibly frustrating I may just quit on principle. I just now accidentally hit something with my pinky and away went my whole blog…AGAIN! I honestly don’t think I can take much more of this!!!!!!!
This is actually why my latest novel isn’t finished. I finished it once and then the computer got all bogged down and somehow, in the process of un-bogging it, I lost the entire last several chapters. This was a year ago. I haven’t had the heart to even look at the novel in all that time.
When this particular blog was started, I was going to correct the missing part of the one before—more discussion of the opposing forces within the Aleph, as I had spent so much time on the physical characteristics of the letter the day before. When that was lost, it was so late I just signed off and went to bed. Then when attempting to recreate it, same ol’ same ol’ and last night I didn’t get home from a dinner party till after midnight and didn’t have the energy to work on the blog. So here I was, with another ‘agenda’ for today and hit that stupid key (I don’t even know which one would’ve moved me from the page) and voila! the writing vanishes just like that AGAIN!
Thing is, once I’ve said something, I don’t know if I care to repeat it, you know? And sometimes things flow so purely the first time, that an attempt to recreate it is stiff. It isn’t coming from the heart any longer. It is rehash, if only to me. How much, at this point, do I really care to share what I was feeling and sharing with you just a few minutes ago?
I’ll see if I can make it short and sweet. I was listening to Ashanti’s video offering, Return to Innocence, and was moved by the chant. I suppose I should try to hear the words, but it was the chant, so native, so tribal, that called to me, that touched my heart. I found myself dancing around, tears in my eyes, imagining I was dancing around a fire with my Tribe, my people.
This is where I interjected I am not from any tribe in this lifetime. My only ‘affiliation’ would be far in the past of my family tree. My paternal grandmother was either of Cherokee decent of some other Midwestern tribe, though it was not popular in the late 1800s when she was born, so they didn’t talk about it and therefore she wasn’t sure which tribe her ancestors had been. Because the family is blonde and blue-eyed, in spite of marrying darker skinned and darker eyed people, it makes me tend toward the possibility of that one tribe. Plus I recently met a woman whose family had the same name and she was Cherokee (or was it Cheyenne—why do I get those two mixed up?)
Anyway! I imagine there was some Shaman in that side of the family which could explain my grandmother's and father’s abilities. He was a doctor who was also an intuitive (though he would never call it that). The things he knew and ‘saw’ in the spiritual sense were not all medical, but many were and there are a good many stories to be told in regard to that.
My maternal grandmother was Scotch/Irish and I imagine some Celtic Druid in that family which would explain her abilities. And together, these would explain mine, I suppose. Someone recently told me the names of my family were from a place where many Druids were and there is some history to that supposition on my part. So I’m happy. *smile* She also said they were matriarchal in that place and some other really cool stuff. Woo hoo! *grin*
I am also attracted to Jewish things. I consider Jews 'tribal' in the sense in which I am speaking here--in ancient beginnings. When I had the privilege of studying within a Jewish community, I often just ‘knew’ things before they taught me. Either that was my psychic gift or, as some of my friends there began to suspect, I had been a Jew--a rabbi, some even went so far as to say--in a past life. Many honored me by calling me Rebbe. *smile* Maybe I just knew someone Jewish in another life. Who knows. The only 'tribal' connection I might feel toward them is really because I have always been drawn to them and many of their teachings touch me. It is, in fact, because of them I have come to embrace my psychic-ness again, as they opened me up to all kinds of possibilities through their mystic teachings.
So, the whole original purpose of this blog was to say, “I miss my Tribal connections.” I think there is something missing in my life, and not necessarily connection in this plane, but with that ancient thing, the time where we were closer to one another and closer to the earth within smaller, 'tribal' communities. A time when the Divine Feminine ruled or was accepted and we lived in smaller communities and ‘knew’ stuff. Music like that in Return to Innocence and Celtic music and Jewish nigguns (tunes) speak deep into my heart and soul. They speak something so deep I only ‘know’ it on that level which is so deep my frontal lobe misses it. Perhaps it is part of the Corporate Unconscious, I don’t know. I only know I revel in it; it draws something in me ‘out’ and my soul reaches out to embrace it for its Truth.
Thank you, Ashanti, for sharing it with the community. It and the other videos speak to me and bless me. They remind me of something I long for and hopefully they will bring me to that understanding and I will feel all the more complete in the realization of what ‘that’ is. Until then, I will chant along and dance as my soul requires and remember my tribal roots, though deep and distant, and long for that Unity and understanding of All That Is.